Hate!

Despite my faith in Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala) that whatever happens is for the best; despite all my wisdom and sanity, there are times, far too many of them, when I wish ...

And it is due to betrayal. I talk to people in all innocence, with a view to help them, and they turn it into someting against me. I do not talk, and they still turn it against me.

I do not like my colleagues, I am afraid. I hate them. I wish they did not exist, or that I didn't.

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Here is some advice for me. I post it here so I can refer it whenever I need it. I think it is good in many situations, not just the workplace.

UmmWafi
Madina Citizen
Madina Muhsin




Yaa Rabbiy, grant me an understanding heart....


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Re: Hate!
« Reply #2 on: Feb 27th, 2006, 10:13pm » Quote » Modify

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Twice I have worked in an all-Muslim environment. I naively thought that things would be all rosy and ukhwah-like. I was wrong. In all counts. Whatever suggestions I made was greeted with suspicions, whatever comments was derided as pompousness etc etc. I saw lots of power politicking and backstabbing going round and many a times I was soo tempted to give back as good as I got. I quit because I didn't want to commit more sins, Astaghfirullah.

However, one important lesson I learnt from all these is, its too too tiring and painful to hate. Hate is an all-consuming emotion that destroys anything good in us. I also learnt that I am as good as the emotions I harbour and I am as good as my response to tests from Allah SubHana Wa Ta`ala. That kept me sane. After a while I begin to seriously ask about MY niyyah. If I am ikhlas in my actions then I shouldn't be affected by other people's response. So now, if a colleague gives me negativity, I just Istighfar and walk away and tell myself I have tried.

I guess right now in my life, after all I have gone through, hatred is something that will only cause me pain and defeat. Its just too tiring.

May Allah ease your burdens Inshallah.

Wassalam
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"Knowledge is the arrival of meaning into the soul and the arrival of soul into meaning. Meaning is understanding and accepting the position of things in the order of Creation and the position of Allah in the order of Existence"
-Prof Syed Naquib Al-Attas

"Truth is Timeless, and returning to Truth is better than continuing in Falsehood"

- 'Umar Ibn al-Khattab ra


JustOne
Madina Citizen
Madina Mujahid




Wisdom begins in wonder


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Re: Hate!
« Reply #3 on: Feb 27th, 2006, 11:48pm » Quote » Modify

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Hate is all-consuming...that's brilliant, UmmWafi, because it really is.

I hate some of my coworkers too. What's worse is that I think it shows. I'll get up and leave the dining hall when contentious subjects come up so as to keep myself from replying.

What I've realized in my years of working (and yes, it's been years even if I haven't stuck to anything for too long)..this is a compilation of advice from other people and my own realizations

1. Be muslim, akhlaaq wise.

2. Set boundaries.

3. Your personal life and your professional life are entirely separate, and you need to let people know this. In fact, when you feel yourself blurring the line, it helps to say this out loud to anyone who can hear you, "My professional and personal life are entirely separate."

4. Do as much as you can, but make sure everyone knows what you're doing. Even if you filed a receipt, create a paper trail, CC it to 20 people, don't let anyone take credit for what you've done. Or worse, don't let anyone misconstrue what you've done. Don't be a nuisance, either.

5. If someone confides in you, no matter how much you feel the need to, do not, by ANY means, let anyone even get the whiff of what happened. Even if you only feel the need to express your amazement at humanity itself, do NOT talk about it.

6.Cut to the chase. When you find someone lingering around in your office (in my case, mostly middle-aged men), ask them what they want. It helps to actually use those words, "so what is it you want?"...If this doesn't work, get up and walk them to the door.

7. Be cordial.

8. Unless you have to be mean. In which case, be mean.

9. "You gotta do what you gotta do." That's another one to keep offhand.

10. Don't take things personally.

11. Sometimes it's easy to tell yourself that someone did something because they are malicious human beings. My advice? Save yourself the emotional trauma (which you do not need in a workplace anyway), and tell yourself that they are not malicious, but simply incompetent.

12. If your boss asks you, "when do you think you can get this in by?" In your head, do a time measurement, and then double it. So if today's monday, and you can get it done by tuesday. Tell him it'll be in by Wedensday. Two reasons: a) it gives you a margin for things to go wrong, b) if you hand it on tuesday, he realizes that you are truly the genius he hired you as.

13. Trust your instincts.

14. Do more than you can. As in, let them see your capacity.

15. Don't do more than your job description. As in, don't take the brunt of it and volunteer to do the filing for the secretary.

16. No gossipping.

17. No discussions on religion.

18. No discussions on politics.

19. No coming to work dressed like a bum.

20. Get there early if you must, but always leave on time. (Like I said, they need to know that you have a personal life which extends beyond your professional life, which is completely separate.)

So maybe these apply more to girls. Ah well.

Wasalaam.
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kickin'dustontheGT
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Humbling the vertical pronoun. "Thus let me live, unseen, unknown; thus unlamented let me die;...and not a stone tell where I lie."


bhaloo
Madina Administrator




Quran 25:63


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Re: Hate!
« Reply #4 on: Feb 28th, 2006, 9:43am » Quote » Modify

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...seek (Allah's) help with patient perserverance and prayer... (Quran 2:45)

"... But if you are constant and do right, not the least harm will their cunning do to you..." (Quran 3:120)

"And if you catch them out, catch them out no worse than they catch you out: but if you show patience, that is indeed the best (course) for those who are patient" (Quran 16:126)

"(Luqman said: -'O my son!... enjoin what is just, and forbid what is wrong: and bear with patient constancy whatever betide you, for this is firmness (of purpose) in (the conduct of) affairs" (Quran 31:17)

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Wasalaam,
Arshad
http://members.cox.net/arshad


ummnajmah
Madina Mumin





Qul Huwwa Allahu Ahad!


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Re: Hate!
« Reply #5 on: Feb 28th, 2006, 9:56am » Quote » Modify

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Co-Workers can be vicious, subhanAllah! Bro. Timbuktu, don't let anyone get to you that much that you wish you don't exist. Take Sis Just Ones advice. No wonder you see disgruntled pple who come back and kill other employees. Work can be very stressful, full of jealousy and backstabbing people. Hang in there bro, make dua and try to have patience because you will need it a lot of times. All the best timbuktu.